You Have Nothing to Fear

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

I look around at people and what do I see? Fear. They let it rule them. They let it define them. I won’t let that happen to me. I know there is nothing to fear when I have You by my side, Lord. You will guide me through my darkest days. Maybe I will come out slightly scratched, battered and bruised, but I will come out more alive than I was before. More battle tested. More resolved.

It is easy to sit on the sideline, being afraid of losing. Being afraid to get in the game, to take charge. It's hard leaving everything out there on the playing field. You can give up before you start, but that's even worse than losing. Not trying, not living, not learning.

We fear being shot down. We fear the what-ifs. Yet, it isn't those things we should be fearing. The things to fear are the paths not taken. The feelings left unsaid. There are battles inside all of our hearts and minds that fight to shut us down. fIght to let us take ourselves out before we find our happiness, or our place. These battles are not of this earth, and they fight against us. But we have the power to withstand them with the help of Christ. With him, we have the power to spread love across nations. We can bring hope to those that have none. We can spread His love to those who have given up on themselves.

Don't be afraid to live. To love. To adventure. To speak. To fail. To Fall. Because He will always pick you back up. I know this is true. I've seen it happen. I have felt His touch. I've felt his grace. And there is nothing more beautiful.

The Night

The night. Often the time where I find most of my thoughts culminating and percolating in my mind. I close my eyes. I open them. Words form. Sounds are heard - internally of course - I don't usually hear voices or conjure up visions. I am semi-normal, I hope.

This night is like my normal night on steroids. I am tired. Unbelievably tired, my body fatigued. I can't escape this string of thoughts. Yet, that's the biggest problem. There are so many thoughts, I can't quite pinpoint them. I do not know which one to focus on at all. Maybe it's because I am so tired, but I can't even comprehend the moment.

I decide to go on a run to clear my head. My go-to playlist consists of Ellie Goulding, Pearl Jam (of course) and Katy Perry's 'Roar' (because it's awesome). This seems to have helped at least for now.

Time to really just unwind and relax with a cup of tea. Oh yes. That's the stuff right there. Is that a yawn coming on? Why yes, yes it is.

My goodness, this post is ridiculous and wholly un-important. Yet, the screen tires my eyes even more - which I consider a win.

I will look upon this post soon and think, wow, delete. But for now...

I leave you night, and soon I will welcome the morning. After a beautiful, beautiful sleep.

What Happened?

What has happened to the world?

Maybe it has always been this way, but romanticized as we forget the ills of the world. The past is made to look so glamorous, maybe this is fake. You can’t trust films and TV, they are entertainment. But, I feel there used to be gentlemen in this world. There are always those extreme cases of men that abuse and mistreat women, but I feel things have gotten worse.

Today I was reminded how cruel the world can be. We can be in the midst of greatness, but then something horrible happens. Take for instance a girl at Starbucks, studying and minding her business. What I assume was her boyfriend walks in, with a pep to his step, and raging anger in tow.

Within seconds his anger escalates - for what reason I do not know. But then it happened. He lunges at her, knocking her back in her seat. The people look in complete silence. Perhaps shocked, perhaps complacent. 

Perhaps I shouldn’t have intervened, but before I could think I did - with one other stranger. Just us in a crowded room. The only ones who could react to a crime being committed. You never hit a girl. I don’t know what the circumstances were, but that action cannot stand.

I will spare you the next details, but it got me thinking: why do men act this way? Why do they think this is possibly okay? And why do so many people sit idly by, letting these atrocities happen?

What happened to gentlemen, never wanting to hurt a woman, but protect them. At all costs.

I don’t know, but maybe one day we will see a re-emergence of gentlemen. Or perhaps the notion of them is mostly fiction, like movies and TV.

Light my way

Some days are just bleh. This was one of those days. You can't help but feel like the world is against you, adding one more thing you have to overcome along the way.

But, that's bogus.

In my darkest times, and in my hour of need, I come to you and you help light my way. You pick up my spirits, and you always love me unconditionally - like you love us all. I am thankful and humbled by YOU.

I can't begin to thank you enough. My Lord and Savior. And I'll never forget in these days filled with self sorrow, that so many people have it so much worse than I do. I will try to stay humble, follow in your glory, your grace. I will continue to stay on the path you've laid out for me.

Thank you for lighting my way. Over and over again.

Back At It

It's been a while since my last post. 19 months, a while. 852,480 minutes. That's a lot of time. A lot of things have happened in that time. I have a new obsession in bowling, and I have unearthed an old one in Starbucks. Oh how grand they both are. But even in all the change, there has been one constant:

I am constantly reminded of God's love and grace.

Even on the worst of days, I find solace in the fact that He is watching over me. He is watching me as I grow into what I hope is a good and respectable man.

My whole life I have always had one major dream, and that's to be working in film - writing, editing, directing, etc. But the thing is, the older I get, that dream is still there, but an even bigger dream overshadows it - I want to honor Him and be someone who makes him proud.

I was always a dreamer. I think it's important to dream. It's the ambition and drive that makes you successful in what you do, but there is something more than that. It's God's will, grace and love that gives you the strength to do what it is you want to do.

Writing my thoughts and feelings about the subject is not enough, it is the practice of it, the bringing the words to action. Any one can sit idly by, but what change does that make? What difference does that make to the world? None.

It's wanting to be the best you can to make God proud that makes you successful. Some people lose sight of the important things. They think that money and possessions will make them happy. Maybe for a while - but without devoting yourself to Him, you are missing out on so much. His is the Ultimate love.

I am often reminded of an Eddie Vedder (from the fantastic band 'Pearl Jam') song that I'm afraid that people care too much about the little things, and not the big picture:

It's a mystery to me,
We have a greed, for which we have agreed.
You think you have to want more than you need,
Until you have it all, you won't be free.

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have, you think you need.
And when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think i need to find a bigger place
Cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

We need a lot of things as human beings, but the biggest need is a life with God in the center.

Some of my best friends do not share my beliefs. They do not live the life that I want to live. I hope they are able to soak in God's love, and maybe see there is more to life than partying and drinking. We need to grow up. We all need to move on. But, no matter their choice, God will always love all of us. His love is never changing. He sent his Son to die for us, for all of us, to show us his love is Absolute and never changing.

This entry is full of a lot of feelings that I have been feeling for the last 19 months - the last 852,480+ minutes. There is so much more. Hopefully my next post will be much less jumbled and to the point. But I guess if I must summarize, it would be to sit and think about who you want to be. How do you want to spend your life? What have you been doing with your life? Do you live for Him, or do you live for you?

I live for Him and because of Him.

The Long and Winding Road

The years have turned like the pages of a book. Made up of memories, scars and dreams. It feels like a lifetime, yet I've only just begun. The beginning of my story, the beginning of my life.

I've always been one to look up at the stars. I've never been afraid to dream. No dream is too big, nor to small. I've already reached a dream that no one thought I would reach. To me that is a victory. Write, Direct, Edit. Those were my dreams. I'm one step closer. Soon I won't be an outsider looking in. The 13 year-old me would be jumping for joy (literally). The 22 year-old me is doing that figuratively. Those artistic dreams are now only part of the story.

As you get older, life throws your curve-balls and hands you new meanings. A light bulb turns on. You change. Some people are afraid of change. I used to be. Now, I love it and embrace it. It's what makes life, life.

I look forward to so much more than movies. I don't want to do films for fame and fortune. I want to do it for a passion. I write as a passion, but the films aren't the only passion I have now. I can't wait to see who I'll spend my life with (I'll be the lucky one there). I can't wait for the day I become a father and get to watch my kids grow. I can't wait for the late nights and early mornings of childcare. The endless watching of baseball, or soccer games (if they choose to play). I can't wait for the whole package. Family is everything.

God has blessed me with a wonderful life filled with wonderful people. Wonderful dreams, memories and stories. He has humbled me with some not great ones too, but that's what keeps me moving, keeps me wanting to be great. He has made me a better person. A better friend. And one day, a better husband. I want the chance to show him how great I can be.

The road ahead is long and winding. I look forward to every step of it.

Easter (Love and Be Loved)

He has risen. It's Easter again. Always a glorious holiday celebration. It is now the 22nd that I have been a part of. Pretty cool, pretty, pretty cool.

It is on days like these that I think of all the people I love, all those that I share a deep emotional connection with, and just really thank them. I thank Jesus for making my life possible and worth living. Thank you all!

It is also a day that I think about all the emotional baggage that I carry with me. I'm not a person that holds on to little things that bother me, yet somehow there are a few. Whether it's someone who does something that annoys me to no end, someone that doesn't know it but takes advantage of you, etc. This day really puts things into perspective. We live and we love. No need to fret about the little things in life. Let's just love each other. Live like Christ. Love and be loved.