The years have turned like the pages of a book. Made up of memories, scars and dreams. It feels like a lifetime, yet I've only just begun. The beginning of my story, the beginning of my life.
I've always been one to look up at the stars. I've never been afraid to dream. No dream is too big, nor to small. I've already reached a dream that no one thought I would reach. To me that is a victory. Write, Direct, Edit. Those were my dreams. I'm one step closer. Soon I won't be an outsider looking in. The 13 year-old me would be jumping for joy (literally). The 22 year-old me is doing that figuratively. Those artistic dreams are now only part of the story.
As you get older, life throws your curve-balls and hands you new meanings. A light bulb turns on. You change. Some people are afraid of change. I used to be. Now, I love it and embrace it. It's what makes life, life.
I look forward to so much more than movies. I don't want to do films for fame and fortune. I want to do it for a passion. I write as a passion, but the films aren't the only passion I have now. I can't wait to see who I'll spend my life with (I'll be the lucky one there). I can't wait for the day I become a father and get to watch my kids grow. I can't wait for the late nights and early mornings of childcare. The endless watching of baseball, or soccer games (if they choose to play). I can't wait for the whole package. Family is everything.
God has blessed me with a wonderful life filled with wonderful people. Wonderful dreams, memories and stories. He has humbled me with some not great ones too, but that's what keeps me moving, keeps me wanting to be great. He has made me a better person. A better friend. And one day, a better husband. I want the chance to show him how great I can be.
The road ahead is long and winding. I look forward to every step of it.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter (Love and Be Loved)
He has risen. It's Easter again. Always a glorious holiday celebration. It is now the 22nd that I have been a part of. Pretty cool, pretty, pretty cool.
It is on days like these that I think of all the people I love, all those that I share a deep emotional connection with, and just really thank them. I thank Jesus for making my life possible and worth living. Thank you all!
It is also a day that I think about all the emotional baggage that I carry with me. I'm not a person that holds on to little things that bother me, yet somehow there are a few. Whether it's someone who does something that annoys me to no end, someone that doesn't know it but takes advantage of you, etc. This day really puts things into perspective. We live and we love. No need to fret about the little things in life. Let's just love each other. Live like Christ. Love and be loved.
It is on days like these that I think of all the people I love, all those that I share a deep emotional connection with, and just really thank them. I thank Jesus for making my life possible and worth living. Thank you all!
It is also a day that I think about all the emotional baggage that I carry with me. I'm not a person that holds on to little things that bother me, yet somehow there are a few. Whether it's someone who does something that annoys me to no end, someone that doesn't know it but takes advantage of you, etc. This day really puts things into perspective. We live and we love. No need to fret about the little things in life. Let's just love each other. Live like Christ. Love and be loved.
Moving On
There are certain moments in life that change us. If you really think about it, you can pinpoint a few certain times in your life that really changed you - molded you. If you know me, I think you can guess what a few of those are (for me).
These moments have the power to make you or break you. It is up to us to endure, to carry on. Sometimes, like in my case, you have to change. Sometimes if you don't change your ways, you will slip into darkness, never being able to see the light.
Darkness can always be overcome. You have to take the initiative to do it. No one is going to do it for you. You have to take solace in the fact that nobody is perfect, but we can try to be. We owe it to ourselves, our loved ones, and most importantly to God.
Life is a gift. Sometimes it might not seem like it. Enough bad things happen to sometimes make you shake your head. But ultimately we can see the greatness that this world holds. We all have greatness inside us. If you look inside yourself hard enough, you just might find it. But we must realize we are not perfect. We make mistakes. As long as we learn from them and move on, we will be all right.
These moments have the power to make you or break you. It is up to us to endure, to carry on. Sometimes, like in my case, you have to change. Sometimes if you don't change your ways, you will slip into darkness, never being able to see the light.
Darkness can always be overcome. You have to take the initiative to do it. No one is going to do it for you. You have to take solace in the fact that nobody is perfect, but we can try to be. We owe it to ourselves, our loved ones, and most importantly to God.
Life is a gift. Sometimes it might not seem like it. Enough bad things happen to sometimes make you shake your head. But ultimately we can see the greatness that this world holds. We all have greatness inside us. If you look inside yourself hard enough, you just might find it. But we must realize we are not perfect. We make mistakes. As long as we learn from them and move on, we will be all right.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
April 5th
Shaky, hurting I want to sleep. My head is pounding, my vision blurry, my hearing gone. What is happening? I close my eyes to be interrupted by the pain. My head screams stop, my mind runs blank. Time stands still.
Writing helps sometimes. It keeps my mind off of the pain - physical, emotional, mental. Not today. I don't know what it is, I just want it to go away.
After this writing, I will say a prayer and hope to sleep. It's been a long day. Hopefully tomorrow will go back to normal.
Writing helps sometimes. It keeps my mind off of the pain - physical, emotional, mental. Not today. I don't know what it is, I just want it to go away.
After this writing, I will say a prayer and hope to sleep. It's been a long day. Hopefully tomorrow will go back to normal.
The Shifting Light
Day fades, darkness falls. Alone. Trapped. Walking through a darkened place with nothing but a compass. Heading North. No it can't be. Can it? I know the way home - I think.
Thoughts roll through my head. What thoughts are these? Whose are they? They are not mine. A passing stranger gives a smile. Points in the direction I am going. It's a trap. I can feel it in the tingle of my spine and bones. Hair raising, eyes shifting, the stranger is swiftly gazing. Looking at my heart he smiles. THUD!
I fall, can't get up. I'm trapped. Knees locked, arms frozen. What is coming next? I hear the sounds of children laughing. Who are they? Where are they? The sound begins to fade - like my life. Will I ever be able to see my children? Will I ever get to have children? Is this it? Is this the end?
Darkness fades, day comes. I'm standing by my window. Tired still and wearied by the dream I had last night. I clutch my hands, pull them to my heart - still beating strong, but pausing slightly. I don't know who it was that I saw - the stranger in the dark. I don't know, but I do not like the feeling that came over me. I know I can't return to where the darkness ate the light.
Thoughts roll through my head. What thoughts are these? Whose are they? They are not mine. A passing stranger gives a smile. Points in the direction I am going. It's a trap. I can feel it in the tingle of my spine and bones. Hair raising, eyes shifting, the stranger is swiftly gazing. Looking at my heart he smiles. THUD!
I fall, can't get up. I'm trapped. Knees locked, arms frozen. What is coming next? I hear the sounds of children laughing. Who are they? Where are they? The sound begins to fade - like my life. Will I ever be able to see my children? Will I ever get to have children? Is this it? Is this the end?
Darkness fades, day comes. I'm standing by my window. Tired still and wearied by the dream I had last night. I clutch my hands, pull them to my heart - still beating strong, but pausing slightly. I don't know who it was that I saw - the stranger in the dark. I don't know, but I do not like the feeling that came over me. I know I can't return to where the darkness ate the light.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
A Promise
It's April already - the time sure flies. And as I get older, the days tick off faster and faster still. I don't really feel like I'm getting old though, apart from the headaches. They have an effect that I can't quite shake. But this post isn't about headaches, it's about a promise to myself.
As I get older, more experiences and responsibilities float my way. I find that I don't cringe when something comes to my attention, or there is a new thing that I have to handle. Instead, I accept it as life. There is something very special about life that people don't sometimes realize. You have to dig deep and find what makes life special. It's not the easy things. A lot of what makes life so great are the hard things you have to get through and endure. So many people let the little things bother them and get them down. Some are afraid of the big things. I'm not that way.
I used to let these things bother me, but I snapped out of it and saw life as it's meant to be lived. And I'm grateful for that. Too many people get beaten down by things that are out of their control. Some people are too hard on themselves. Some people can't adapt or endure. I made myself a promise a while ago on a fateful day - don't worry about the little things that don't matter. I don't anymore. I let them go. I've become a much more grounded, responsible and humble person. I have God to thank for that. Through him I learned all these lessons, and through him I have found happiness.
That promise will last until my last breath and beyond.
As I get older, more experiences and responsibilities float my way. I find that I don't cringe when something comes to my attention, or there is a new thing that I have to handle. Instead, I accept it as life. There is something very special about life that people don't sometimes realize. You have to dig deep and find what makes life special. It's not the easy things. A lot of what makes life so great are the hard things you have to get through and endure. So many people let the little things bother them and get them down. Some are afraid of the big things. I'm not that way.
I used to let these things bother me, but I snapped out of it and saw life as it's meant to be lived. And I'm grateful for that. Too many people get beaten down by things that are out of their control. Some people are too hard on themselves. Some people can't adapt or endure. I made myself a promise a while ago on a fateful day - don't worry about the little things that don't matter. I don't anymore. I let them go. I've become a much more grounded, responsible and humble person. I have God to thank for that. Through him I learned all these lessons, and through him I have found happiness.
That promise will last until my last breath and beyond.
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